Demande in French: Asking, Not Demanding
Demander means to ask, not to demand, and it takes à before a person. Learn the false friend, the prepositions, and the noun une demande.
A French email that says je vous demande de confirmer is not banging the table. It is asking you to confirm. English speakers read the word and hear an ultimatum, because “demand” in English carries force that the French verb simply does not have. This is one of the most consequential false friends in the language, because it makes polite French sound aggressive.
Quick answer
Demander means to ask, not to demand. It takes a direct object for the thing and à for the person: demander l’heure à quelqu’un. The noun une demande is a request or an application.
Quick answer
Two facts prevent almost every error here. The verb is neutral: it asks, requests, enquires, and carries no force of its own. And its prepositions are fixed: the thing asked for attaches directly, while the person asked takes à. Learners reverse that pattern constantly, because English asks a person directly and French does not.
Je demande l’heure à un passant. → I ask a passer-by the time.
Elle m’a demandé mon avis. → She asked me for my opinion.
Meaning and usage: Why the false friend matters
English “demand” insists; French demander merely asks. So a French request that reads as forceful to an English eye is usually neutral or even polite. To express the English sense - insisting, requiring - French reaches for exiger or réclamer, which are genuinely firm. Translating the French verb as “demand” turns ordinary correspondence into a confrontation that was never there.
Il exige une réponse immédiate. → He demands an immediate answer.
Je vous demande de patienter un instant. → I am asking you to wait a moment.
Examples in context: The prepositions and the false friend together
Both halves of the problem fit in one view, and the person column is where the English habit does the damage.
Structure and meaning
| Item | French | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Ask for a thing | demander quelque chose | Direct object |
| Ask a person | demander à quelqu’un | Preposition à |
| Ask someone to do | demander à qn de faire | Both markers |
| Demand, insist | exiger | Not demander |
| A request | une demande | Also an application |
Le professeur a demandé aux élèves de se taire. → The teacher asked the pupils to be quiet.
Nuance and register: Asking someone to do something
The full frame stacks both markers: demander à quelqu’un de faire quelque chose. The person takes à, the action takes de. This is the construction behind most polite French requests, and once it is automatic you can be courteous without thinking about it. Pronouns slide in ahead of the verb: je te demande de venir.
Je te demande de venir avec moi. → I am asking you to come with me.
Ils nous ont demandé de patienter. → They asked us to wait.
Se demander, and the noun
The reflexive means to wonder: je me demande s’il viendra is “I wonder whether he will come,” with no asking of anyone. The noun une demande is a request or a formal application - une demande d’emploi is a job application, and la demande in economics is demand in the market sense. That last one is the only place the English word lines up.
Je me demande s’il viendra. → I wonder whether he will come.
Il a déposé une demande de visa. → He submitted a visa application.
Common mistakes to avoid
Do not translate the French verb as “demand,” which imports force that is not in the original. Do not attach the person directly, since demander quelqu’un means asking for someone, as at a reception desk. Do not use pour before the thing requested; the object is direct. And do not use the plain verb when you mean wonder, which needs the reflexive.
On demande Madame Dubois à l’accueil. → Madame Dubois is wanted at reception.
Elle a demandé un renseignement à l’employé. → She asked the clerk for some information.
A memory tip that defuses the word
Read the French verb as “request” every single time. Requests can be gentle or firm depending on the sentence around them, exactly like the French. The English “demand” has one volume setting, and it is loud - which is precisely why it is the wrong translation. Swap in “request” and the tone of the French comes back into focus.
Nous demandons votre compréhension. → We request your understanding.
Practice the prepositions
Assemble each before checking. “I asked my sister for advice” puts the thing direct and the person behind à. “He asked me to leave” stacks both markers. “I wonder if it is true” needs the reflexive. “The union demanded a raise” is genuinely forceful, so exiger fits better than the ordinary asking verb.
J’ai demandé conseil à ma sœur. → I asked my sister for advice.
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Questions about this note
Does demander mean to demand?
No, it means to ask or request and carries no force. For the English sense of demanding, French uses exiger or réclamer, which are genuinely insistent.
Why is demander à quelqu'un and not demander quelqu'un?
The person asked takes à, while the thing asked for is a direct object. Demander quelqu'un means asking for that person, as when a receptionist calls someone.
What does se demander mean?
It means to wonder, with no one being asked. Je me demande s'il viendra is an internal question rather than a request directed at anybody.
What is une demande?
It is a request or a formal application, as in une demande de visa. In economics it also means demand in the market sense, which is the one place the English cognate matches.